WriterJournal

Something very lame

Guess the name of a company when a gorilla passes a plum?

diversifying doesn’t equate to a satisfying experience

As evidence has shown, several corporations which had tried to diversify into unrelated industries had hit the wall real hard.
Worse, the wall came tumbling down and buried them all.

But still there are survivors (as always) and these, are the winners who conquered them (odds) all.

mouse

Here’s a nice lame joke to end the day.

Qns: Why did my mouse run away?

Ans: Because it grew 4 legs.

a consultant

Why consulting? I have always wanted to be a consultant because:
1. I get paid for talking
2. I get paid for talking common sense
3. I get paid for talking common sense + some bits of nonsense
4. I get seriously paid for talking common sense + some bits of nonsense
5. I like the feeling of when filling in a form “Job title: Consultant”.

There.

who ate the pencils?

We had a huge store of pencils (meaning over the hundreds) kept in a drawer in the fish tank room. These were meant to be for use in the fish tank room and no where else.
Imagine the horror and shock, and rather disturbing scene, when we discovered, earlier this morning, that all the pencils had disappeared.
We did a little investigation. Found that the pencils had disappeared gradually. A witness saw a few of them last week, still in their original form, in the drawer. Another passer-by saw some of them a few days ago, lying in various half-dead positions, on some tables in the fish tank.
And now, they are all gone. Dead or alive. One or all. Nothing is left.
Not even shellings in the rubbish bin can be found.
Who ate the pencils?

the bloated train and its cousin, the elevator

-by sy-

I can’t get on the train. It is too bloated to admit me.

The train is now suffering from indigestion. It is vomitting a lot of people out at this particular station.

The elevator is too greedy. It eats until the alarm sounds.
But unlike the train, the elevator is smarter. It spits out a few people at every floor so that it can go up faster.

curious envelope

I caught sight of an envelope peeping at me from the cubicle behind.
A white envelope.
Hmmm…

So I stood still and waited. Not too long after, I saw a little white edge of an envelope sneakily edging out from the top of the cubicle again before retreating very quickly.

I waited still. It appeared sneakily again and disappeared again.

I pretended to be typing something on my notebook while keeping a look-out for it through the corner of one eye.

The white edge came out a little more. And soon, half the envelope was over the cubicle edge.

I turned very suddenly and the poor white envelope faltered. It fell the 100cm from the top to the ground.

And there it is lying still.

the mouse ate the kit-kat

Have a break - the mouse just ate the Kit-Kat.

This is a long awaited post on the mouse & kit-kat situation in my office.

Over the past two weeks, we have had some of our chocolate kit-kats mysteriously disappearing, leaving behind only a trail of the red and silver wrappers. Which, leads us to a mouse.

A computer mouse.

This is an obvious sign that even the mouse requires a break, from time to time. So what about us, the poor folks in the office?

Slog on and blog on, people!

the protective oaf

The oaf and his missy boarded the train this morning.
The protective oaf and his missy boarded the train this morning.
The protective oaf, who had his fat arm around his almost-as-fat missy waist, boarded the train this morning.
Oblivious to everyone else on the train, the protective oaf, who had his fat arm around his almost-as-fat missy waist, boarded the train and nearly crushed everyone else this morning.

And that was the protective oaf. How sweet and loving.

re: case of the missing toothbrush

Did I tell you? I found my toothbrush.

It went bungee jumping into a basket of laundry full of towels. I found it snuggled comfortably and fast asleep.

Anyway, it’s no long mine toothbrush.

Who’d want a toothbrush thats been to bungee jump and snuggled between used towels?

My pet dog, perhaps.

business card as a tooth pick?

Obviously Mr. Bernard J. Ebbers, the former chief executive of Worldcom, thought that it was fitting for him to use a business associate’s business card as his personal tooth pick. Well, Mr. Ebbers might have thought that his action would show the business associate, the amount of trust, he has for the latter. (you wouldn’t use just anything as your tooth pick right?) But the business associate, unfortunately, was not tuned in to the same frequency as Mr. Ebbers.
In what is a most highly regarded (infamous) corporate scandal, Mr. Ebbers is now convicted of fraud charges and he may face life imprisonment. The above mentioned business associate, in following the government’s direction to come clean with all facts (so as to avoid trouble later…as can be seen in Mr. Ebbers’s case), brought up the incident of his business card multi-tasked as a tooth pick.
It goes to show, never use anything that is not a tooth pick, as a tooth pick. The business card is now haunting Mr. Ebbers…though it is the least of his troubles.

case of the missing toothbrush

I woke up this morning feeling that Wednesday has never been so good. Why? Simply because, today is the first Wednesday, for weeks gone by, I managed to wake up on time.

A quick jump out of bed (to show how enthusiastic I am about the day) and a really brisk walk to the bathroom, I discovered, after numerous blind attempts to grab hold of my toothbrush, that it was MISSING!

My Oral-B toothbrush was missing!

I panicked. No one can do without a toothbrush in the morning (nor at any other times that you need one) much less someone like me who is crazy about my Oral-B toothbrush. And my toothbrush was still very new.

Who stole my Oral-B toothbrush?

Or had it, like my Watsons Water bottle, ran away?

machines

The Xerox photocopier just grew wings.

All the papers started flying around.

That was when we noticed it.

It has always been there, going on about its work, quietly (sometimes not very), so much so that we were so used to it that it just didn’t seem to exist anymore.

Anyway, we noticed it very much just now.

The Xerox photocopier with wings.

Of course, we couldn’t get any photocopying done at all. The wings kept getting in our way.

Any ideas how to clip those wings?

swishing the water

I was drinking out of a Watsons Water bottle when it slipped out of my hand and it ran out of the office.

I chased it and saw that it stopped at the main door, panting. Not me. The Watsons Water bottle was panting.

“Why are you running away?” I asked.

It glared at me. Still panting away.

I moved a little closer to it.

It inched a little away.

Making a very fast (and wrong) move, I made a dash and attempted to grab it.

It swished out of my way and was gone.

Leaving behind a trail of water…which leads to a wall.

Amazing.

sometimes it is difficult

To say what you really mean.

It happened today. My handphone was being extremely diplomatic.

I tried sending an sms. And it told me with a little apologetic smile that I should try again. I tried. And it told me with a little more apologetic smile, that I should try again yet. I tried. This process repeated several times, with the smile widening, until the screen blacked out.

Why didn’t my handphone just scream at me, “I’M GOING TO BLACKOUT SOON!” and save me my time?

It just doesn’t pay to be diplomatic sometimes. Difficult isn’t it? Taihen desu!

spidery bags

They were all over the place this morning. Those dusty noir paper bags with legs invaded our office today.

It was an effort for the three girls to catch hold of the spidery bags and place enough brochures inside the bags to hold them down. After 400grams of brochures, the spidery bags were not so spidery any longer. They just laid there, in the boxes, as quiet as ordinary black paper bags.

extreme moods

My laptop just shouted at me.

“QUIT IT! IT’S HARD ENUFF WORKING MY BATTERY LIFE OUT FOR NINE HOURS A DAY & YOU HAVE TO RUN MORE THAN 5 PROGRAMS AT ONE TIME NOW?”

I was having my outlook, MSN, 2 internet explorer browser, Adobe, MSword, MSexcel and Paint programs on. I wasn’t complaining about having to multi-task. But my laptop?

Whatever is the world coming to?

overworked imagination

The train spoke to me this morning.

“I see that you have not washed your face today.”

I stared at it.

“Not enough of sleep. You have puffy eyes with dark rings.”

Snorted. Yes, I snorted.

“That is very rude. Don’t you have any manners at all? You snort in a conversation?”

I looked away. Out of the window.

“Stop staring into my eyes.”

Uh uh… I looked at my feet.

“You didn’t trim your toenails.”

I could hear people laughing. A part of me was wondering, Did they hear that?

- - - - -

Kind of a crazy train ride this morning.